Once upon a time this was an innocuous question...OR I probably just assumed it was, but now...well it has become the question of the hour that becomes more and more uncomfortable with each person who asks. If we take a moment to think about it and understand that this can be a sensitive question, we would be a little more hesitant in throwing it out there like a common pleasantry.
As someone who has been on a personal journey to carry a full term pregnancy, I have been pretty candid about my experiences and struggles - at least in my blog. (I will say blogging is totally different than speaking openly in real life but it has helped me to be more open face to face). So when I contact someone who I haven't spoken to in a while and one of the first things they ask me is (even via text) "Are you preggo, yet?"...I am a bit taken aback. Obviously, there are only two responses, either of which could play out quite awkwardly.
1) Yes! ...which no matter how joyous this news is, the fact that I had to contact you for you to ask me (via text) about something so sacred and personal, seems a little inappropriate given this journey I've been on. Not to mention if I am not past the 1st trimester, I am forced to decide do I tell you before I really want you to know, or brush your question off.
2) No!...which only serves to remind me that I have thus far been unsuccessful in my pursuit of motherhood, as I am swallowed in shame, gloom, and disappointment.
Yes, unfortunately, it can be that serious some days. Its just one of those buttons that no matter how often it's pushed, you just never get used to...even though, most do not even realize it is a button.
And when I say it is personal, it really is. The occupancy of someone's uterus is only something that God, that person's husband, and that person should know - and apparently sometimes that is a stretch, e.g. the "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" show. The polite thing to do is to allow that person to share the information with you IF, they are at that point that they want to share...especially for those who have miscarried before.
I guess this is a venting post but also just a post for awareness, because those on the outside looking in may not understand this perspective at all. I get it - because you will not understand or really be able to empathize unless you have walked this path yourself. Even before I experienced any of this, I suspected that asking "are you pregnant?/when are you having kids?", no matter how much or how little I knew about the person's/couple's reproductive history, was not a conversational topic. If I happen to be in a one-on-one conversation with a friend and we are sharing about the topic, that is different; but I will never agree that anyone's uterus occupancy is a social topic to be had in public.
On the flip side I do believe some people are genuinely anticipating these blessed, new arrivals and are excited to share in that news. However, you do not have to attempt to beat the mother-to-be to the punch because more than likely, in due time, she will be more than happy to share that news. Plus time is the bearer of all secrets and you will surely know sooner than later ;-)
